


with the birds

by CoffinWeaver (politely_ironic)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Birds, Depression, Gen, So much angst, lakes?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 18:24:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6868393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/politely_ironic/pseuds/CoffinWeaver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Monty Green talks to birds because no one else will listen</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drifting

The lake on the edge of town is near its end. It’s a pond of muddy water about fourteen feet deep and fifty feet across. There is a three mile radius around it; covered in tall, dry grass and drooping cattails. They line low hills, infecting the trunks of dying willows. The ecosystem that surrounded it is gone, leaving behind cicada carcasses and algae. Monty sits on the bank, alone except for a raven picking at the dusty ground, morose. He jangles his car keys in his hands, spinning the keyring around on his pointer finger. His skin is washed golden in the sunlight. He feels special. He feels alone.  
He isn’t much of a nature person, as a general rule. His interests lie mainly indoors, in a dark room, the only light coming from a computer screen. But Monty finds that these days, he doesn’t mind it quite so much. He wants to talk to the raven. He does.  
“You know,” he begins slowly, quietly, so as not to startle the bird. It continues to peck at the ground. He takes it as a sign.  
“I know a girl named Raven. She’s cool. Likes mechanical stuff. Engines,” The bird didn’t need specifications.  
“She’s more Jasper’s friend than mine. She doesn’t like engineers all that much. I don’t know why. I don’t mind, though. I think we wouldn’t have much to say to each other,” Monty has been talking for a few minutes, and the raven still hasn’t taken notice.  
“Jasper’s my… friend. I guess. Maybe. I think he still is. I wonder if distance is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, or if that’s just some greeting card thing people say when they don’t want to say anything meaningful. It probably is.”  
“It doesn’t actually, though. Distance just means you forget. Jasper’s girlfriend moved away, and now he doesn’t think about her anymore. It’s been a year, and he doesn’t even remember her name. It was Maya. They dated for two months. She was okay too. I guess. I hope she’s alright. She deserves to be happy. But then, who doesn’t deserve to be happy?” He pauses for a moment, and in that moment the bird flaps away, cawing.  
“Maybe, it’s me.” He says to nothing at all. He sits in a warm patch on the ground until the sun goes down.


	2. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> parents

A couple of weeks later, he’s back at the lake. He likes to call it a lake, because that makes it seem better than it is. The word lake holds more weight that the word puddle. The bird is back again, or there’s a raven present, anyways. Ravens tend to look similar.  
“Hi,” he starts. The bird ignores him.  
“It’s been a little bit since we talked. I don’t think you remember me. But that’s okay.” He hugs his knees to his chest.  
“Sometimes I don’t think anyone remembers me. Which is dumb, I guess. Maybe it’s just a thing. A person thing, I mean. Do you ever feel like that?” the raven hops around in a circle. It pulls a worm out of the soft earth near the water. It eats it. Monty makes a face.  
“I don’t think you do. That’s cool too. I don’t know why I thought human emotions would transcend species. They don’t.” He doesn’t say anything for a long moment.  
“I don’t think anyone knows where I am, right now. But I also know they don’t care. It’s so dumb. It’s a stupid thing to be sad about. Pointless. I guess I’m not even really sad. It just makes me want to lay down and not get back up.” The lake has shrunk even more, an indication of summer. It will dry up soon. He doesn’t know where he will go after this. To think. To exist. He doesn’t feel like he’s obstructing anything here.  
“But I guess I have to. I have an AP Calc test tomorrow and I don’t want to miss it. I don’t think I’d ever leave my house if I didn’t have school. And Jasper, I suppose.” He sucks in a breath, through his teeth. It hurts. He coughs. The wind picks up dirt and throws it in his face. He waits. The wind drops. “It’s not like Jasper cares anymore, though. That’s my fault. I don’t know why I’m such a fuck up, when it comes to people. They never stay. My dad didn’t, my mom didn’t, and now Jasper’s gone, and I can’t get him back because it’s not distance that made him leave. It’s just me.” He twiddles his thumbs, hands locked together. The water is very, very still. His breathing is very, very still. The bird cocks its head, and pecks his shoe. He doesn’t say anything else. The bird wanders off after a moment. He wonders if that was his fault too.


	3. Abandonment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> graduation

He returns again, after a few weeks. There are no birds in sight. Summer has settled in the air. It’s hot, dry air whistling through the dead willow branches. He sits under a tree, shaded from the heat around him. He sweats. He stays. He doesn’t know why. Maybe that’s a good thing. At least he doesn’t have to look at anyone. He figures he doesn’t need any living thing to speak to, not now.  
“I don’t know what to do. I’ve got to get out of this town. It’s just eating me up inside. I feel like I’m decaying.” His throat feels rough. Red. A spider skitters by his hand. He doesn’t notice. He thinks the tree relates. He’s not sure, though. Trees don’t say they’re dying until they’re already dead.  
“Maybe it’s just the air. I don’t know. Clarke’s leaving.” he says it in one breath. Sometimes his brain works too fast to make the proper connections. He holds the tassel from his graduation cap in his hands. His hands are sweaty, and the strands stick to his palm. “She’s going to college. She’s going to Boston. She’s going places.” Monty has never been places. He’s always simply existed in this one. He always knew It’d be too simple here, in Arkadia, for her. He just never expected himself to feel like...like this. "How am I supposed to go to college?” He asks nothing in particular. It doesn’t respond, “What am I supposed to do when she leaves?” Nothing. “She’s going to take everything from me.” He doesn’t know when he started to cry. It feels red. He blinks. There’s two ravens circling overhead. One of them caws. He keeps talking.  
“She’s the only person I have.” both of the birds stop circling. He stands. His shadow is long and distorted. The water is nearly gone, only a few feet of it left. Nothing can save it. He gets in his truck, and leaves. He throws his graduation gown out the window, and it flutters harmlessly amidst the silence.


	4. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> miller

A month later, the lake is dry. His pickup kicks dust everywhere when he pulls up beside the lakebed. There’s a crowd of ravens, at least five of them, roosting in one of the baked willows. They watch him with their black eyes, welcoming and forbidding at once. He missed them. He doesn't miss a lot of things. He can’t afford to miss a lot of things.  
“Hey guys. Long time no see. I don’t know if you want to see me. I don’t think you do. But I want to see you.”  
“It’s weird. You’re like, my bird family.” It feels imperative that he tell them. “I guess you’re my only family, now. Which isn’t that bad. I’ve had worse families. At least you’re here.” Monty stands beneath the tree, right next to the branch they all rest on. He imagines them nodding. They understand. “Clarke’s gone. Jasper might as well be. Bellamy. Octavia. Maybe it was dumb of me to think they’d stick around here. Naive.” He shakes his head. “There are some people who will never leave, though. Like me. Like Raven. Like Nathan Miller,” He feels his gut wrench at the name. “Speaking of, Nathan Miller has a boyfriend.” He says, unexpectedly joyful. “No one even cares.” He didn’t think it would be like this, “I want to have a boyfriend.” He tells them, quickly. He’s never said it outloud. One stretches its wings. “I want… I want to be Nathan Miller’s boyfriend.” he looks up at them, eyes shining. “I don’t think I ever will be.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a bunch of shit i wrote when i was sad lmao idk what i was trying to accomplish.


End file.
